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    Pale as Ice


    Posts : 6
    Join date : 2010-10-18
    Location : Western Australia

    default Pale as Ice

    Post by Pinkbutterflies on Tue Oct 19, 2010 3:32 am

    Pale as ice you passed me by
    I wondered what you really felt,
    I waited through the changing times
    to see if you would one day melt.
    I thought the ice would melt with warmth
    but there were things I did not know,
    the sun can touch the outer layers
    but does not touch the deepest snow.

    Posts : 77
    Join date : 2010-10-13

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    Post by Harklight on Tue Oct 19, 2010 5:11 pm

    Very profound poetry, Pinkbutterflies. I like the way you've said so much in few well-chosen words. The poem tenderly approaches romantic wants using strong imagery. It's hard to break through an ice barrier - from either side. Keep the warmth flowing. H2H
    Welcome to Writer's Playground! H x

    Posts : 74
    Join date : 2010-10-12

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    Post by Jamie on Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:45 pm

    Hi pinkbutterflies and welcome to Writers Playground!

    I thought this was sad, soft, and beautiful. The imagery forges your metaphor with strength and illuminates the sometimes insurmountable distance between two hearts. Nice poem, I hope to see more of your writing. Smile

    Posts : 22
    Join date : 2010-10-13
    Location : England

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    Post by *Augustus* on Wed Oct 20, 2010 7:54 am

    I really enjoyed this poem, I often try to steer clear from using the words 'but','and' or 'because' at the start of lines it usually detracts from the flow of the poetry, that said I think in the last line it couldn't be helped and the poem as a whole flows with beauty and a sweet sadness. The last metaphor lingers on in the readers thoughts perfectly, profound write. I think maybe another word for 'touch' could be used in the last line too to save from multiple word repetition, maybe skim? or Caress?

    Great poem, thank you for joining Writers Playground!

    through waves of joy and clarity
    a fallen angel walked on the sea
    and I'm playing in the shallow water
    laughing while the mad dog sleeps

    Neil Finn
    Armchair Queen

    Posts : 34
    Join date : 2010-10-17

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    Post by Armchair Queen on Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:57 pm

    A beautifully sad poem.
    You pack such beauty into such a short flowing piece.
    Armchair Queen

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