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    The Official WP Joke Thread! (May contain mature subject matter)

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    Jamie


    Posts : 74
    Join date : 2010-10-12

    default The Official WP Joke Thread! (May contain mature subject matter)

    Post by Jamie on Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:45 am

    Add your jokes via reply:

    ~~

    This guy is sitting in a bar drunk. He asks the bartender, "Where's the bathroom at?" The bartender says, "Go down the hall and make a right."

    Well, all of a sudden, everybody at the bar hears this loud scream coming from the bathroom, and they wonder about what's going on in there. A few minutes go by, and again, everybody at the bar hears another loud scream that came out of the bathroom. This time, the bartender decides to investigate, and he goes into the bathroom to see what the drunk is screaming about.

    He opens the door and asks the drunk, "What's all the screaming about in here? You are scaring all my customers away."

    The drunk whines, "I'm sitting on the toilet and every time I go to flush it, something comes up and squeezes the heck out of my gonads!"

    With that, the bartender looks in and says, "No wonder! You're sitting on a mop bucket, you idiot!!"
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    Jamie


    Posts : 74
    Join date : 2010-10-12

    default Re: The Official WP Joke Thread! (May contain mature subject matter)

    Post by Jamie on Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:51 am

    An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .

    Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on
    sale, he bought them and wore them home.

    Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
    "Notice anything different about me?"

    Margaret looked him over. "Nope."

    Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked
    back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

    Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything
    different NOW?"

    Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's
    different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll
    be hanging down again tomorrow."

    Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

    "Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

    "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

    Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.
    Shoulda bought a hat."
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    Harklight


    Posts : 77
    Join date : 2010-10-13

    default Re: The Official WP Joke Thread! (May contain mature subject matter)

    Post by Harklight on Wed Jan 12, 2011 6:24 pm

    Roflmao, J. ^^

    Seasonal cheer in a parody, author unknown.

    Twas the month after Christmas,
    And all through the house,
    Nothing would fit me,
    Not even a blouse.

    The cookies I'd nibbled,
    The chocolate I'd taste
    At the holiday parties
    Had gone to my waist.

    When I got on the scales
    There arose such a number!
    When I walked to the store
    (less a walk than a lumber),

    I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
    The gravies, the sauces and beef nicely rared,
    The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
    And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

    As I dressed myself in my Husband's old shirt
    And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
    I said to myself, as I only can,
    "You can't spend a winter, disguised as a man!"

    So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
    Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
    Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
    Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

    I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
    I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
    I won't have hot biscuits, corn bread or pie.
    I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

    I'm hungry, I'm lonesome and life is a bore...
    But isn't that what January is for?
    Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
    Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.

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    default Re: The Official WP Joke Thread! (May contain mature subject matter)

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